There was a time (and it almost never really matters, when such things occur, what time that truly was) when the rains poured incessantly from the sky. They poured and they poured, and it seemed there would be no end. There were many who cried that God had lied when he said he would never again destroy the world by flood. And indeed, the rains came and the floods followed closely behind them.
In this time, there was a man of great faith. We will call him Noah, since of course we know that was not likely his real name. Noah saw the rains fall, and when he saw the flood waters rising, he remained calm, because he knew the Lord would always save him on account of his faith. A frantic knock came at his door, and he answered it to find his neighbor and friend.
“Noah, come on! The neighborhood is evacuating. There’s no time! I have room in my car…”
“Give my seat to someone else,” Noah said. “I’ll trust my fate to the Lord.”
Everyone evacuated and the soon Noah was alone with his living room and the water – the growing ocean of water – which was creeping over his stairs and into his living room. Many men would fear, but remember, Noah was a man of great faith. A boat happened by and they hailed him.
“Noah, climb aboard. The entire region is flooded. Refugees are collecting in boats. This may be your last chance.”
“Go on and save someone else,” Noah said. “The Lord will look after me.”
The boat left. The waters inched up. Noah climbed to his roof and still the waters followed him. Finally, a helicopter came by and the rescuers yelled down from above.
“Grab the ladder!”
“Save someone else!” Noah yelled above the din. “The Lord is by my side!”
The helicopter flew off and the waters continued to rise. They rose and rose, until stood atop the peak of the highest point on his roof, up to his neck in the flood, Noah could see nothing but water. Everywhere. And the waters rose, and Noah drowned.
When he reached heaven, Noah immediately sought out God.
“God!” he reprimanded. “I had faith in you! Why didn’t you save me?”
God looked uncomfortable. “I did my best,” he said. “I sent you a car and a boat and a helicopter! What more did you want?”
of course noah did a double-take
when he awoke in the midst of a lake
“so god,” he said
in his moment of dread
“not building that ark… a mistake?”
© 2013 Anne Schilde (for my limerick)
Author’s note: Apologies to all of y’all who’ve already heard this joke.