Written for One-Minute Writer: Friday Fiction. Click the pic to see the original challenge.
“Your story is missing an attention grabber,” Mr. Larson criticized. “You want to start with something that makes the reader want more. It’s like baiting a fish.” He curled his finger and used it to pull his cheek away from his face for emphasis.
Annie scowled at the big capital D on her paper. “You gave me a D just because you didn’t like the way I started my story?”
“It’s hard to give you a better grade on something I’m not going to read.”
Oooh, ouch…That really hurts! Wow, what a nasty and miserable bleeping jerk! Excellent story, and the prompt was “Hook”, as I recall. I receive their emails too…Most of the time their prompts don’t inspire me at all though…Great little vignette here! 🙂
I actually got there from a link I clicked on your page! 🙂 I’ve never done one of these before. Yes, “Hook” was the prompt. My idea was to write a hook about writing a hook without using the word. I really appreciate your comment, Scriptor!
Anne, great job–so few words, and I was surprised by the ending.
Thanks, Maria! Yeah, it’s hard to write too much in a minute.
Ha ha! That’s awesome! Fun micro piece. I actually like the teacher. Tell it like it is!
Thanks, Adam! I imagine he actually did read the story.
There are times when, after I post, I’ll check the “follow humor” (or music or life or writing or whatever) to see if and where I showed up, for the time being, on the pages about that subject (the “also-rans” of freshly pressed, if you will), and am always reminded of how few lines I have there, to get the attention of someone who has never read me. Subscribers or people who read me before will probably give me a chance, but others, no, you have precious few lines to hook them. Of course we get more readers by commenting, and people shouldn’t live or die by their stats, but it is an eye-opener, and something I will keep in mind on some posts. Of course, if your book is in a bookstore, you’d better have a good first page, or I’m looking for something that does.
This story is a great short short story, and you definitely hooked me.
Obviously, it was very important for me to make Mr. Larson a jerk in a hurry for this piece. If he doesn’t pique interest, it’s a failure, so thanks very much for your comment!
I didn’t even know there was a follow thingy to check. 🙂
LOL 😀 excellent ending 😛
🙂 Thank you!
Yep and he’s right. Every word counts in a story and the first few ones are the most important ones that we should choose with a lot of care. 🙂 Thanks for sharing the tip!
Hey! Whose side are you on here? I should at least have had a B! Haha, you’re right of course, although an example like this is a bit extreme. Thanks for the comment, MD!
Wow, in three paragraphs, I already detested that stupid teacher! Great story, the last line was a real shocker :]
Thanks, Tanitha! It’s probably the only one of these I’ll do, but it was fun trying to make it feel like it had an end in such a short space.
Just for the record, Annie, I’d read anything that you write! 🙂
Thanks, Christy! You know how these one-minute challenge thingies work. I was just trying to be clever in the space of a minute.
Yeah… this is a little harsh. Albeit, Mr. Larson is usually quite a fan of Annie’s writing. That is, when she’s allowed to really put her best into it.
I wonder, did her father hold her back on this one? Hmm.
Or maybe Mr. Larson isn’t so kind. Perhaps he really isn’t a fan at all. He might have only given Annie an A on that earlier paper in effort to justify humiliating her in front of the class.
I dunno.
Everything Annie writes is written in fear of punishment from her father. Only one of her teachers – Ms. Williams – was ever really a fan.
Thanks for another great comment, Nathan!
Harsh but fair! Love the honesty of that last line.
🙂 I’m glad.
That ending..what a feeling for the student…and the teacher making himself look like a fish while talking about hooking…very well done! Such good writing..
Thanks, Pirate! I don’t know if you noticed… this had something in common with the haibun. I never actually use the prompt word in either story.
Of course I did! Very much..I was shaking my head, in admiration and worry…realising just how incredibly well you force your words to give their best…really…quite wonderful..
What a bastard! All the worse for the fucker being right! Still he should have at least read the damn thing. What kind of teacher is that?
This guy understood some stuff about writing but not much about teaching I think. At least that was the case with the guy I patterned him after.