I know it’s not usually what I do, but I have to write about what I think today. It’s a compulsion I can’t control.
The first thing I think needs to be said is that no matter what any of us believes about God… all however many billion of us… she loves us. Not like you love ice cream or playing around with Zynga’s glitches… like the way you probably shouldn’t get too close to a bear cub in the wilderness.
That kind of fierce protective love is something I have cried over too many nights because it wasn’t a part of my life. But that doesn’t mean I don’t understand it. I do.
I would protect my baby with my life… sacrifice everything I have to help her or him have just a chance at freedom, at safety and at a life in a world where hope was real, aspiration was admirable and love was the fabric we were all woven from.
I really believe God loves us this way. Maybe that’s stupid. It certainly requires me throwing away some of my education and accepting the most important principles of life and of love on faith alone.
But I never asked for those principles, you see? I only ever asked for the love… and for someone to protect me with fierce abandon.
The world ended today.
That is a sad and… well… retarded statement.
Even if somehow the greatest of disasters really killed millions upon millions of people, the spirit inside of us that causes us to love each other and to crave each others’ love, is always going to prevail.
We will survive. Not because we are more powerful than God. Not because God has no better option than us. We will survive because we are God. And because the reciprocal love we have for ourselves, is the most beautiful thing we have ever experienced. So we will survive.
If California drops into the sea and I die, it doesn’t matter. I gave my thoughts and my love to anyone and everyone who wanted them. Anyone who felt me, will carry me. Dead or alive, I will survive.
This is true for you too! No matter where you are, no matter what tragedy ultimately befalls you… not one of us has a ticket out of here…. not one. But you will survive through the love you have given. You will be carried forever… given as a gift by those who have long forgotten where it came from, to those who will be as confused and unsure of the future of their world as we are.
So I have a simple message.
It doesn’t come from Jesus. I don’t hear God speaking. I don’t study numerology… and even though I studied the Bible a lot, I confess I’m confused. It just comes from my heart.
I love you. I want to keep you. You have made me happy and given me a reason to live. I carry with me the beautiful pieces of millions of people who’ve loved millions of people. Through them, I love, however I can, everyone.
I hope it matters someday that I loved you.