Astrology is not something I’ve ever believed in, but it’s no surprise after discussing it with my friend yesterday (who happens to be a Gemini), that I dreamed I was writing daily horoscopes last night. Seriously, who does believe this stuff?
The moon affects my menstrual cycles. That I can live with. And it makes a certain amount of sense that the other heavenly bodies in close proximity also affect me if less profoundly or in the case of the sun, very profoundly. Even the light from a distant star must touch me in some small way, but the suggestion that it shapes who I am based on what day I was born is ridiculous to me. Ridiculous, but admittedly fun.
I am a Scorpio. Most astrology pages tell me that means I’m volatile emotions bundled beneath a calm exterior. The words “passionate”, “penetrating”, and in some form “determined” (read: stubborn) show up consistently. Scorpios are easily hurt and will erupt on you like a volcano without much warning.
I particularly like astrology-online.com telling me Scorpios can become masters of the written word. Actually, my eyes opened wider and wider as I read that page. I had to massage my eyebrows back into place afterward. Ironically, I have to admit that’s me. But does it have anything to do with how the stars were positioned when I was born? I doubt it. Besides, scientists believe the universe is expanding and that the stars are constantly moving, so today’s Scorpio might be tomorrow’s Gemini anyway. Okay, well no, probably not Gemini.
Curiosity (curiously not a Scorpio trait) drove me to look up my daily horoscope today on three different pages. “Avoid conflict at all costs today — it’s just not worth the trouble…” the first one said. The second one, “You thought you were done with all your shopping, but suddenly, you’ve remembered what you forgot…” Hmm… are there two sets of stars? A parallel universe maybe? And the third one, “You may find today that people are really attracted to you as a friend. This is because you’re usually a good listener…” Come on. Really? Can I use my natural attraction to resolve one of those conflicts? I’m sure going to give it a try. It sounds like more fun than avoiding a perfectly good conflict.
In my dream, I was writing these myself. My readers were absentees in the dream, but I could feel them all out there, hanging on every word I wrote, waiting to live their day by the advice from my column. It all seemed like a big joke to me. I had a desk in an office with all these astrology guides and celestial maps all over it, but I didn’t even glance at them. I just made it all up, which if you’ve been following me at all, should come as no surprise. I wish I could remember what I wrote, “Gemini: Err on the side of caution today. Some Scorpio may insist you make your own choice.” “Scorpio: Be careful with your words. Others depend on what you say.” “Virgo: Grr!” Hehe! A little Annie-mosity showing through there.
Daily Horoscopes should be like the word of God being handed down by the Pope or whoever really does this, where you can expect sermons to have a common subject from one church to another on any given Sunday. There should be like one Gazer of the Stars who sends a generic divination to all the ordained horoscope forecasters, who merely embellish it in turn. That way you always know you’re really getting your horoscope. You don’t have to wonder if it’s just some whimsical musing a girl with an imagination made up in her sleep. There is comfort in consistency. I wouldn’t mind if the second page said, “A disagreement could take an unpleasant turn…” The fate of my day would be safe. But unless, I’m going to go get in a fight with the clerk at Wal-Mart who decides he likes me anyway… you know, because he’s a Gemini… I’m just not feeling the comfort here.
There are other Scorpios in the world. There is even a long list of famous ones which I noticed contains very few notable authors. I’ve met too many who seemed like they had nothing in common with me to see our place on the Zodiac chart as anything more than a coincidence. I’m sure that a Gemini can be as passionate and penetrating as I can be. A Gemini is as likely as a Scorpio to blow up after holding something inside for a while, and a Gemini can have a jealous obsession.
Given a chance to study the traits of all the different signs, I’m sure I would argue that they all fit me, at least on some days. Well maybe not so much Gemini, I read that one. But I’m glad if I could only be one, that it was the one that I am. I always thought Scorpio was the coolest sign. Seriously, who wants to be stuck being a Cancer? No offense, please, I’m supposed to avoid conflict today. Not only is your name a malignancy, but your sign is a scavenger that eats rotten stuff from the bottom of the sea. Ew!
On second thought, I guess Cancers could argue their symbol is a sixty nine, which is pretty cool. I’m sure Leos could make an argument for lions being cooler than scorpions, or Libras for the benevolent value of balance, but coolness really isn’t just about a name or a symbol. Scorpios are supposed to be the most passionate lovers. There it is. It’s the truth too! Not only that, but I’m the most passionate Scorpio! Too bad for all you incompatible guys out there born under Leo, Libra, Sagittarius, Aquarius, Aries and Gemini. Hmm… on second thought, forget all eleven of the others. Just give me another Scorpio!
Your horoscope for today: Something good is going to happen to you. Try to see it through any not so good stuff. You will have a choice to make. Make the right one instead of the easy one, unless that’s the same choice. A smile on your face will help make someone else’ day better. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to give something away. This is especially true if what you have is nothing. You will find a small piece of good advice at the end of a bunch of silliness. If you’re a Gemini, it was meant for both of you.
Suddenly I’m in the mood for Chinese food. Not to sate any craving of the palate. I’m just convinced my fortune cookie will clear up what my horoscope should really have said. I wonder what happens if you play that “…in bed” game with your daily horoscope…
© 2010 Anne Schilde